The Thankfulness in Suffering

I started my New Year's resolution of reading through my Bible early thinking it was the only chance I had of actually accomplishing it...this time! I have a wonderful One Year Chronological Bible that places everything, well chronologically! I got to Job than I got stuck! I just didn't understand everything I thought I knew about the Book of Job. I thought Job was considered righteous but I was pretty sure there was some complaining in there. I was confused about what was wrong with what Job's friends said to him and why God rebuked them. I could tell that they weren't gentle in their approach but come on they sat with the guy for seven days and seven night before they said a word. That was more than Job's wife had given him! Anyway, I was stuck and determined to understand it better. Pastor Ritch directed me to Pastor John Piper's Desiring God website. Aaahhh, there I found a 5 sermon series on Job. I'm so grateful for Bible teachers! Anyway, the point of all this info is to share something that I think I knew but finally accepted today.

One of the advantages of excellent Bible teaching is that we have a wealth of Bible knowledge in our heads. However, I think sometimes we confuse the knowledge with acceptance. For instance, I know that God is sovereign. I know that He loves me. I know that all He does is good for me and His glory. But do I really accept it? And even more importantly am I grateful for it? Today, God's word snuck past my brain and crept into my heart . Today, I realized that my response to God through our year of struggling has been much like Job. I accept that God is who He is. I'm grateful that He is who He is actually. But I have resolved to get though because He is God and I resolve to trust Him. I don't think that is a necessarily bad approach. It seems much better than shaking my fist at Him. The problem is it only begins to scratch the surface of what God desires from me. Resolve is not the same as gratitude.

John Piper wrote about the type of sanctification that can only come through suffering. The walls of pride and self righteousness that can only be broken when we are humble and completely dependent on God. I started to reflect on the spiritual growth I have seen in my home this year. The stirrings of spiritual understanding my older children are expressing. The continued child like trust my younger children have despite the worldly stress that knocks on our door. I have seen my husband grow in ways I never imagined. I have seen him broken and yet striving for God. I have seen a dependence on our friends, family and church that has caused us to accept their love in a much deeper way. In myself, I have seen God develop a more consistent walk and hunger for Him. One that is not dependent on being stressed out and dependent but one that seeks because I actually desire Him. As I contemplated all this I was overwhelmed with gratitude. I mean overwhelmed! My heart started singing and I started thanking God for all of it! Thank You for the secretary that steals. Thank You for the lost business. Thank You for the opportunity to work outside of the home. Thank You for the crazy homeschooling schedule. Thank You for the brokenness. Thank you for the desperation. Thank You. Thank You. Thank You.

I'm so thankful to my Lord that not only loves me enough to allow me to suffer but continually reveals Himself to me. I will never understand the depth of His love but my prayer is that I will never take it for granted. All the times, I might perceive He is tearing down, He is actually building up. All the times, I might believe He is silent, He is actually speaking to me in a way that transforms. Today, I feel 50 pounds lighter because has brought me to a place of not only being willing to carry a burden but to be grateful for it!