Doors Ajar

I must be delirious. We have had children (two out of the four) wake us up for the last three nights due to illness. Delirium is the only reason that I can think that I would start a blog! I have no free time, my house needs some attention and did I mention two out of our four are sick! I guess I just like to write out my thoughts and this is as good as any other way to do it. Today, I'm claiming Proverbs 3:5-6. Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths. You see tomorrow was supposed to be an important day. I can't go into much detail but there is a woman who is a legal guardian for a 7 year old boy. She is trying to figure out what would be best for him. There is a Christian women who has been counseling and asking her to consider adoption for him. It has been a long road with some starts and stops but they were all planning on making the two hour trip to visit us in our home. With one kid sick, I thought we could swing it but with two down and two likely to follow in their footsteps, it no longer seems wise. When I was praying and pondering this last night, actually at 4 in the morning, I have discovered that my faith is to a point that I don't seem to waver in the knowledge of God's sovereignty. I totally recognize it and rely on it. However, I did decide that I am good with God's open doors and His shut doors (sometimes after much crying and mental tantrumming!), but His doors that are slightly ajar really test me. Today, I feel like a car with an old engine. Ready to move forward, willing to move forward but I'm still waiting at the start line for the flag. Yesterday, I spent the day snuggling with Grace and reading the ENTIRE blog written by Angie Smith. She is the wife of singer Todd Smith from Selah. The hardship they have endured this year as well as the links to other blogs really puts your life in perspective. I get that nothing major has changed here. It hopefully is just delayed. But I'm a little sad...therefore I'm grateful that I serve a God that sees every aspect of every part of my life. I'm gratefully that He saw fit to reveal Himself to me and John. I'm gratefully for my church that continually helps me to strive towards knowing Him more. All that said, I'm still a little sad so Proverbs 3:5-6 is my mantra today!